


he never goes away, right?

by JayEclipse



Category: Batman - All Media Types, Batman: Arkham (Video Games)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - batman is still batman, Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Jason Todd Is Arkham Knight, Jason Todd is Red Hood, Kinda, No Romance, Other, Past Abuse, also he has set out to kill somebody, batfamily, dick is trying to help, for now, jason is in a lot of pain, jason is just trying live, jason is starting to break down, joker is a dick, joker is an asshole, the joker infection
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-03 12:47:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,595
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11532552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JayEclipse/pseuds/JayEclipse
Summary: jason lay on his bed to think of ideas to get himself out of this and he wrote a list of his ideas- electroshock therapy? maybe. last resort- death? differently not.- fuck my lifejason had already ran out of ideas so the only idea was electroshock therapy.so much for last resort





	1. the problem and the help

he had thought that he could escape his past, that it could be just a bad dream but the joker had a way of never leaving even when he was dead  
jason was alone trying to get a bit of sleep when out of the corner of eye he saw something  
the joker  
it was just for a second but the felt alot longer  
jason thought that it was just his mind playing tricks on him, maybe he was already asleep?  
"no that would be to easy" a familiar voice said, it was a voice jason never wanted to hear again  
"what the-?!" jason said as he frantically looked around for where the voice came from  
his eyes settled on where it came from, it was the joker  
"your dead" jason said with disbelief of what he was seeing  
"am i?" the joker said with a smile on his face  
"yes"  
"well it doesn't seem like it to me, jay" the joker said going to the bed that jason was trying to sleep to sit on it  
"don't call me that" jason said while getting out of bed  
"why not? jay" joker said lingering on the word jay  
"why are you here? joker" jason said going in to the bathroom  
"why is the sky blue? it just is!" joker said following jason to the bathroom  
"no there is a reason it's just you can't be bothered to google it" jason said turning on the sink  
"then just google why i'm here if it has all the answers" joker said with sarcasm dripping from his voice  
"fuck you, but why are you here?" jason said, while splashing water on his face  
"you really think a bit of water will help you?" joker said, lurking behind jason  
"might as well try" jason said splashing more water on his face  
"maybe drowning yourself will help" joker said  
"maybe you could? that would solve this, joker" jason said now looking at the joker  
"well you see, there is one issue with that plan"  
"ok, what's that?" jason said  
"i can't die"  
"why not?"  
"i'm in you head, jay"  
"well no shit sherlock" jason said  
"how could you tell?" joker said like he already knew  
"you show up out of no where, what else could you be besides my own mind"  
"fair point" joker said  
"now if you don't mind, i'm going to sleep"  
jason went back to bed thinking he was just having a delusional episode and that in the morning he would fine

in the morning 

"good morning, jay" joker said, still there  
"fuck." 

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
one day later  
jason has finely decided to get help and by "get help" he means sneak into the batcave and see if there is anything helpful on the system  
the joker infection  
that's what jason found  
"well, i'm fucked" jason said to himself  
"why's that?" joker said, full well knowing  
"no cure"  
"i mean there is death" joker said knowing that would be no comfort  
"do i look like i want to die?"  
"hey! theres also will power as a cure!" joker said while wildly moving his arms to try add to his point  
"really, you really think my will power is good enough to get rid of you?" jason said with a annoyed tone  
"no, i was just saying that it was a thing"  
"well of fucking course" jason said shamming his fist down on the keyboard  
"master todd, why are you here?" alfred said as came he in to view  
"i was checking something" jason said while realizing that he had been talking to himself  
"and what would that be?" alfred said with a raised eyebrow  
"the joker infection..." jason said defected, he knew that there was no real point in hiding the fact  
"why? master todd." alfred asked  
"ahhh, i was curious?" jason said, like a lier, which he was here  
"why about the joker infection?" alfred said with a concerned voice  
"i uh, i was, i don't know what to say," there was a long plarse, it felt like a lifetime, but then "i think i have it, alfred"  
the words lingered in the air for a drawn out second  
"wow, there sure is a lot of tension in here!" the joker, who was still there, cackled  
jason ignored him  
"alfred, don't tell batman about this, me being in the batcave or the joker infection. i'll deal with it on my own" jason said as he went to leave

 

jason went home with despair hanging over his head

"so what now? you've made alfred so worried about you and then tell him to not help and leave after you told him you have the joker infection. i'm honestly surprised he don't have a hart attack!" joker mused  
"shut up." jason said, not in the mood to deal with the joker  
"how about nah" joker said while putting his arm over jason's shoulder to which jason brushed him off  
jason lay on his bed to think of ideas to get himself out of this and he wrote a list of his ideas  
\- electroshock therapy? maybe. last resort  
\- death? differently not.  
\- fuck my life  
jason had already ran out of ideas so the only idea was electroshock therapy.  
so much for last resort  
jason needed someone to help him with this plan and he had no idea idea on who would help with something like this that he trusted with this  
"out of ideas?" joker said with gee  
"no"  
"you remember that i'm in your mind? right?"  
"do you ever shut up!?" jason yelled while throwing a lamp at the joker  
it went right throw him  
"nice try" joker said sarcastically  
at that moment jason's phone rang  
"jason, you know the batcave has cameras? right?" it was dick on the phone  
"dammit i thought that i deactivated them"  
"you missed a few" dick said with his trademark starkness "now i want to know something" dick said with care in his voice  
"what?" jason asked  
"isn't it obvious? jay" joker said "you left alfred in the cave in shock, i think the cameras might have saw that" joker continued  
"why was alfred acting so weird?"  
"i don't know" jason said hoping alfred was alright from that bombshell he dropped on him "why should i know" jason tacked on  
"i saw what happened ya know, i couldn't hear what was going on from the cameras but they still did their job"  
"yeah, right..."  
"so what's going on?"  
"ask alfred" jason said a bit annoyed  
"you think i didn't alredy"  
"look, i'm not gonna tell you" jason said  
"how bad is it?" dick asked out of the blue  
"how bad is what?"  
"whatever you've gotten yourself into" dick said with a slyness that jason couldn't place  
"it's pretty bad.." jason admitted "don't tell batman about this, also"  
"are you willing to get help?" dick asked  
"why do you care?"  
"if you are, i'd want to help" dick said genuinely  
"wait, did alfred put you up to this?"  
"maybe. now do you want help or not?" jason could almost feel the almost sermk when dick said maybe  
jason got an idea, he could get dick to help him with the electroshock plan  
"attcrly i do want a bit of help"  
"ok, with what?" dick asked confdently  
"i need you to help me electroshock myself." jason said dead serious  
"what." dick asked  
"i need you to help me electroshock myself." jason said again  
"are you pulling on my leg or?"  
"no, i'm serious"  
"you want me, to help electroshock you?"  
"yes"  
"why do you want to be electroshocked?"  
"i have my reasons"  
"which are?"  
"none of your business"  
"i walked right in to that one, didn't i?"  
"yup"  
"ok, but can you tell me why you want to get me to help you get electroshocked?" dick asked frustrated  
"can't a man just want to be electroshocked?" joker said taunting jason  
"it's not that i want to, but it's that i think it will help with something, look it was the last resort idea"  
"how many ideas did you have?"  
"two..."  
"that is not a lot"  
"i know" jason said starting to get a bit fed up with this  
"you could hang up" joker pointed out  
jason had to resist the urge to tell the joker to fuck off because he was on the phone and dick would probably think that jason was telling him to fuck off  
"i'll help" dick said  
"really?"  
"yeah"

the two went to arkham asylum the place was being renovated but was not done so no one would be there and the plase had power  
they went to where the chairs would be and they were there  
"you sure about this?" dick asked like how someone would ask 'you sure you want to set your hair on fire?'  
jason thought about it would it help? the sickness was blood born so it wouldn't help most of it but it might help the delusions stop  
why was he seeing joker anyways? no one else besides batman saw him and the reason batman did was exposure to fear toxin... jason was exposure to some fear toxin when he set off that fear toxin bag at that dinner  
maybe that's why?  
and if it is this idea might work  
"i'm sure"  
the two got the thing set up and jason then sat on it  
dick went over to the switch  
"you'll 100% sure about this?" dick said with some doubt about the idea  
"look would i be here if i wasn't sure" jason wasn't actually 100% sure about this but to late to turn back now  
"ok. i'll count to three then i'll pull the switch, does that work for you?"  
"yeah"  
1... 2.. 3.  
dick hesitantly pulled the switch  
the pain came immediately for jason  
it was all around him he couldn't escape it no matter what he did the shocks wouldn't stop  
the joker was just laughing maniacally  
the pain stopped as quick as it came  
jason got himself out of the chair

"did it work?" dick asked with concern in his voice  
"yeah did it work?" the joker said sarcastically  
"no. it. fucking. didn't." jason said voice full of anger he then pulled out his lighter from his pocket and threw it hard at joker  
dick stepped back sure what jason was doing  
"nice shot" joker taunted  
"do you ever shut up! even when you're dead you don't! do you ever go away!" jason shouted at joker  
"jason, jason, jason, tsk tsk haven't you learned? i'm never gone."  
"jason? what are you talking to?" dick asked full of concern  
"i was.. i just... i... it's him..."  
"him?"  
jason just pointed at his check  
the one with j on it  
"him!?"  
"who's him!?" joker sarcastically said  
"dick, i'm just gonna be honest i have the joker infection."  
"oh."  
the room was tense  
"i don't have any idea on what to dick, i got nothing." jason was looking down at his feat as he said that, it was true this was the only idea he had  
it was hopeless wasn't it?


	2. the news and the beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "he thought to himself, maybe he could hide this from everyone besides alfred and dick then when things got to a point where the sickness was taking over he could just go fight some villain that would kill him and die like that?  
> but dick and alfred knew and they probably not keep this from batman long  
> so maybe just maybe it might be a good idea to just tell the batfamily whats going on"

jason had just got back home. he lived in a small apartment, it was a bit old and floor sometimes creaked, but it was home  
"dick probably thinks i'm nuts" jason sighed to himself  
"well you are!" joker tacked on   
"shut it"  
jason tried to think of any thing he could do to try and solve this problem  
nothing came  
he would most likely have to off himself before this got to worst sages  
he would probably die at only 21  
at least he could drink  
but what now?  
he thought to himself, maybe he could hide this from everyone besides alfred and dick then when things got to a point where the sickness was taking over he could just go fight some villain that would kill him and die like that?  
but dick and alfred knew and they probably not keep this from batman long  
so maybe just maybe it might be a good idea to just tell the batfamily whats going on  
but how? he could just be blunt but seeing how well that went with alfred and dick maybe he should just tell them one by one and make sure they are at least siting down when he tells them  
"or you could just run off, never see any of them again, and die alone in some hole," joker added so unhelpfully "or you could just let what will happen happen, you were always like me in some ways" the words sounded like poison but jason just shot a look at joker   
jason just decided to push what was happening out of his head for a bit but joker and the sickness lurked behind every thought he had, every second, every breath.  
how long did he have? when did he get the sickness? why?  
but jason just continued to push it away all it for now  
jason went out for walk, something to clear his mind  
while on his walk his phone rang   
"hello master todd." it was alfred, just great not like last time the two talked jason told alfred about the joker infection in the most sudden why possible  
"hi, alfred" jason stopped walking and leaned on a wall   
"not really who you wanted to talk to, heh, jay" joker commented   
jason was starting to give up on getting joker to shut up  
"how are you?" alfred asked like how you would ask someone with a deadly disease  
"i'm fine... what about you? dick told me about you wanting him to help me by the way." jason then tacked on "i let him help me also"  
"i'm fine, and good, you need help, you can't beat this on your own you know" alfred calmly said  
"i don't know if this can be beat, alfred"   
"yeah, maybe you should just give up now!" joker then lathed at his own joke  
"nonsense master todd, it may seem hopeless but bruce did beat the joker infection without a cure." alfred sounded hopeful, like he believed what he was saying, like he thought jason would be ok.  
"i don't know alfred, didn't bruce only beat it with will power? like i'm not weak willed but i'm sure if i can fight this..."  
"well yes, but haven't you already beat jokers mind games once? you can do it again. i know it"  
jason had kinda beat jokers mind games once before but not completely, there were days where he went back to his old way of thinking, and back to thinking that he was better on his own being arkham knight  
"alfred, there are still days where i think it be better if i wasn't with the batfamily, days where i think i was better off as arkham knight."  
jason could hear joker slow clap then lath a bit  
"master todd, everyone who has gone through things like what you have has those kind of days, it doesn't make them better but you are still healing, bad days are to be expected"  
"i get what you're saying but they aren't just bad days! that i could deal with! they're days where i ask myself if i was ever even a good person or if i always was meant to be what i am!" jason covered his mouth, and choked back some tears, he also realized that he was on a sidewalk in a public place  
a few people looked at him funnily but most just went on their way, things like this were pretty common   
"bye.." jason then hanged up without even letting alfred respond to what he had said  
jason went back his house  
so much for getting his mind off of things  
"talk about tmi much! ha!" joker laughed  
"you know you can shut up! right!?"   
jason then got a glass and put it under the tap and turned on the cold water  
"i'm going nuts, right?" jason asked at the world at large  
"well what do you think? jay" joker answered  
"stop fucking calling me jay! you don't get to call me that!" jason yelled at joker, he then threw the glass at joker  
it hit the wall and shattered   
"great now i have broken glass on the floor on top of everything else!" jason threw his arms in the air  
"why can't i call you jay?" joker asked with a smile on his lips  
"you in my fucking head! you should fucking know!"  
"well, then why don't you just say it?" joker was still smiling  
"because why should i?! it's not even that big of a thing!" jason shouted  
"then just say it"  
"fine!" jason was done with this and if this could shut joker up then he'd do it "it's a nickname i got a long time ago and i only let friends use it! there! are you happy!?" jason then sat on the floor in font of the sink  
"more than happy! trilled even!" joker howled  
jason just sat alone in his kitchen  
how did his life get here?  
he felt tired  
he fell asleep  
when he woke up it was about 7pm  
"did i fall asleep?" jason asked to nobody  
"yup! and you slept like a baby" joker responded  
"i wasn't asking you"   
jason got up from the floor and cleaned up the broken glass  
jason should have ate something for dinner but he just had a candy bar and some chips  
he was frustrated at everything that was going on in his life   
jason was sitting in his living room alone besides from joker  
"why were you so happy about me telling you about something you alredy knew about?" jason asked in a low voice  
"why would i tell you that!? ha! it'd ruin the fun" joker smiled at jason   
"the fun!? what about this is fun!?" jason shouted  
"all of it!" joker cackled  
"none of this is fucking funny! you shit clown!"  
"maybe to you, but to me this is great fun" joker seemed to think for moment before he said "you know you're going to find this funny soon"  
"what do you mean by that?" jason asked knowing that he probably didn't want to know but he still needed to  
"well you know that the point of all of this is to make you like me, ha" joker looked away from jason for a second the looked back at him "and hey that shouldn't be to hard, i mean your already going by red hood-" joker gave a smell laugh "-but i did it more classy, but anyways you're well on your way"  
"fuck you..." jason just wanted this to stop for him to just wake up and this to all be a bad dream  
but this is no dream  
this is the story of how arkham knight died

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so the first two chapters are a prologue and also i like calling back to the thing i'm making fanfic for  
> also the narrator is gonna get a bit unreliable and that's starting next chapter


	3. the start of something

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he needed to think of what to do, he needed to help himself but how? he started writing a list of ideas  
> \------------  
> new ideas  
> \- i could run off in to the woods?  
> \- turn myself in at arkham  
> \- die  
> \- just go at it as red hood till i get shot and die  
> \------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> by the way anything with a "character name: " before it is a text, also jason tends to misspell a few things so ya know

it was the next day  
rain was starting to fall on to the crime reden city  
the smell of the rain made it's way to jason as he walked down an allyway, he was heading to barbara gordon's house as was invited to come over by her.  
he had no idea why she wanted to see him in person but he was still going  
"maybe she knows?" joker raised the point with a cackle  
"i hope not..." jason thought to himself  
she did have access to what has been looked up on the batcomputer, so she could have figured it out and now wanted to talk to him about it  
"you could turn around and go home!" joker added to jasons thoughts  
that wouldn't really help, would it?  
no, no it wouldn't, she'd just call and ask what was taking jason so long and then he'd have to say he fled talking to her in person for no real reason  
he'd just have to do it then he could go home and probably have a another break down over the sillyist things....  
anyways... jason continued down the road to get to barbaras place  
at that moment he got a text from dick also known as "that dick" on jasons contacs  
dick: hey, what you up to?  
jason: not a lot just heading to babs place, she wanted to see me for some reson  
dick: you got any idea why?  
jason: if i did i wouldn't tall u  
jason: *tell is what i meant  
dick: i thought so, and why not?  
jason: cuz your you  
dick: come onnn  
dick: really  
"jay, what are even doing?!" joker was just looking at jason with confusion  
"what? i'm talking to dick, what's weird about that?"  
"you're talking to him like the last time you two saw the other wasn't you asking him to help you electroshock yourself" joker sighed "though feel free to continue....hehehe.."  
"well that wasn't ominous at all" jason thought to himself, what was joker talking about with that last bit  
"you do remember i'm in your mind, right?" joker asked as he pointed at jasons head  
"shut up"  
dick: hey, you there?  
jason: oh, yeah i am  
jason: and yeah really  
dick: ok i hate to bring the convo down...  
dick: but i need to ask you, are you alright? you haven't been talking with any of us besides from when you need to or one of us contacts you first  
dick: and with the whole joker infection thing, it makes me worry  
jason: i'm fine  
he really didn't want to be having this conversation with dick, but here he was  
jason: besides, why do you even care?  
dick: because even though we don't get along you are still family  
jason: family?  
jason: family??  
jason: really?  
jason: thats best you could come up with for why you care?  
dick: jay, calm down  
dick: and thats not the only reason i care  
jason: i'm perfectly calm and ok what are the other reasons for putting up with me  
dick: ok, well i mean, i've known you since you were 16ish  
jason: you were barely around  
jason: a fucking mop was around more than you were back then  
dick: ok look, i do care about you it's just i really don't know what to say  
jason: then don't say anything at all  
jason: like i even care what you think about me anyways  
jason turned off his phone and headed into a store  
he walked to the cashier  
"you need any help?" the cashier was a 17 year old boy with black hair  
"no, i don't"  
jason grabbed a candy pack, payed for it then went outside and started eating it  
he had completely forgot about barbara, so he went home not remembering why he was out in the frist place  
in three hours  
there was a knock on the door  
"who is it? if you're here about something i did, that wasn't me and you can fuck off"  
"it's tim"  
"fuck off"  
"barbara was worried about you since you never showed up and she couldn't contact you"  
"wow, you forgot about that, hehehe" joker seemed full of gee  
"oh, sorry" jason went to the door and opened it  
"can i come in?"  
"yeah sure whatever"  
the two went to the couch and sat down with joker nowhere to be seen  
"so, i'm wonder something" tim said to jason  
"what?"  
"what's going on? barbara, dick, and alfred have been acting odd and i want to know if you have any idea"  
"uh," jason had to think of something "wait, did you say barbara is acting odd?"  
"yeah did he say that? what do you think!?" joker added  
"yeah?.."  
"shit"  
"hahaha, she knows! well i mean of corse she knows, but wow"  
jason had to resist the want to tell joker off as he was in front of tim and it'd be bad of he yelled at air  
"what's going on?" tim raised his eyebrow at jason  
"what's en the point, ok i'll tell you as long as you don't tell batman, okay?"  
"ok"  
"yo make a long story short, i have the joker infection"  
"wow, you are still bad at telling people about this aren't you, jay" joker lathed  
"you, what?" tim looked a bit shocked and also confused  
"i have the joker infection, i'm sure you know about it"  
"uh, wha-, ok you have the joker infection?"  
"yeah"  
"for real?"  
"yes,"  
"who else knows?...." tim looked a bit grim  
"dick, alfred, and maybe barbara, i'm not sure"  
"so bruce is the only one who doesn't know?" tim was still processing everything  
"yeah, and i intend to keep it that way"  
"good, good" joker said  
"why? he could help you know"  
"i. don't. need, his. help." jason was trying to not get mad but he was very close  
"you-" tim was interrupted by jason  
"go away, i don't need any help, i'm fine on my own! i can do this on my own!" jason's voice was full of anger  
"hey-" tim was yet again interrupted by jason  
"go away! leave! get out of my house! what did you not get by go away" jason was very frustrated and tin being around was the last thing that could help  
joker seemed to get a kick out of what was going on and was lathing yet agin  
"and you," jason turned to face joker "shut up! you've done plenty already"  
"jason, who are you talking to?" tim seem really confused by what was going on  
"oh yeah right, you can't see him, nobody but i can.."  
"who?"  
"joker.."  
"oh"  
"now get out, i need to be alone right now.."  
"i-"  
"get. out."  
"fine, but call if you need any help, ok?"  
with that tim left jasons house leaving jason alone with his broken mind  
he needed to think of what to do, everybody now knew that jason was doomed and nobody could help, so jason needed to help himself but how he started writing a list  
\------------  
new ideas  
\- i could run off in to the woods?  
\- turn myself in at arkham  
\- die  
\- just go at it as red hood till i get shot and die  
\------------  
"i have an idea-" joker said  
"i don't care"  
"interrupting is rude but anyways, you could use your arkham knight persona and get some revenge for this"  
"ok first thing; no, second thing; i have no idea who did this"  
"well, i did! one of those times when me and quinn injected random stuff in you, it was a slow acting version of the infection"  
"well, then i can't even get revenge since you're you know, dead!" jason was done with this  
"well i may be dead, but harley isn't..."  
jason thought about it, harley, she also was responsible for some of what happened, but he said he'd never be arkham knight again  
"that was when you weren't dieing" joker added  
"i'm not gonna do it, i'm not arkham knight, i'm not what you made me"  
"but you are on your way! i mean really; you kill people, hate most of the batfamily, use the name red hood, you know honesty, i'm proud of how you have turned out!" jokers words sting like needles  
"i-" jason stumped down on to the floor  
"whats the point? i'll sooner or later lose myself to this, why try!?" jason looked at the roof of the room as if he was asking something greater  
he thought for a bit till he got back up wrote a note in case someone came by and got into his costume for red hood  
"fine, but i'm doing this my way"  
and with that he set out to find the villain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah that unreliable narrator thing has started! yay! also i'm not sure when i'll get the next chapter done but i'm going to try and have it out soonish

**Author's Note:**

> i'll update this sometime soonish. jason is not in for fun times


End file.
